Let's Not Die With That Tension
Gaining traction with how we wished we would have lived + a first rough draft of a few parts of my own eulogy.
This is a short series on some of Jonathan Edwards resolutions. When I wrote the first one I thought of Dwight Schrute. Last week, I saw a tweet from Beth Moore, who I deeply appreciate. She was talking about Edwards sermon, “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” I really liked her thread. This brought me down the twitter rabbit hole of Christians distaste for who I called America’s Theologian. I think that is still true. But I do not hold him up as our model. God used him, deep flaws and all, in mighty ways. And I really like his resolutions. Today we look at #17.
#17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
Have you ever regretted something? It’s a wishful feeling, isn’t it? Wishing to go back and re-do what has been said, not said, done or not done.
I’m sure that most people come to the end of their life with some regrets. No one makes perfect decisions. And certainly other people make poor choices for us or that deeply affect us. Either way, when we come to die, we will swallow some dose of regret.
I’m interested in making sure that it’s a small dose. Edwards ethos in #17 is helpful - live today, and everyday, in a way that fulfills the wishes of your last day. Start in the end of your story, listen to what you’d wish would have been different, and make those wishes come true today.
I look to Donald Miller, a pro on leveraging our last chapter. In one of his latest books, “Hero On a Mission: A Path to a Meaningful Life,” Miller encourages his readers to write their own eulogy and to read it every morning.
Side Note:
I am an honest guy. I hope you can believe that. I despise plagiarism. I like credit to go where credit is due. I started this newsletter before I read Miller’s book. He certainly has thought this way and taught this way long before me. Nothing is new under the sun. He is the pro. And he writes so well on everything you and I are thinking through in these posts. Go read his book. DM him my newsletter. I’d love to get him on here!
End Side Note.
In his chapter on writing your own eulogy, Miller talks about “generating narrative traction.” He says that as we review our life plan, as we read our eulogy, we will be pushed to accomplish our dreams and vision because there will be a “cognitive dissonance.”
When you compare what your life is supposed to be like to the way your life is now, your mind will generate a kind of tension. This cognitive dissonance will motivate behaviors that ease the tension.
When you write out what you hope your eulogy to really be, and then you see where you are in respect to that, there will be a dissonance. A rub. A tension. And then he says this,
The only way to alleviate the cognitive dissonance is to actually become the person you are reading about.
Now that is pure gold.
If you want to ease the frustration of not being the person you dream of being, the only way you will find relief is to actually take the steps in becoming the person you dream of being.
Someone who does this, who lives as though they will wished they had lived when they come to die, is someone who dies with a very low dose of regret to swallow. But let’s not let the negative aspect of regret be our primary fuel. Let’s live in to the compelling vision we have for our lives.
I’m going to start working on writing my own eulogy. Maybe I’ll share it with you once I do. But suppose, as an example, it said things like this:
Jonathan Plummer was a signpost to the glory of God.
Jonathan Plummer was known to his wife, Missy, as the most loving human being to have lived apart from her Savior, Jesus, who loved her so much better.
His four kids knew him as the dad who was always there - and happy to be there.
He sought to find what was the best in everyone and fan that into a roaring flame.
He Shepherded a small group of people that made Jesus irresistible in the everyday life of Southwest Florida. He wanted anyone from any walk of life and at any place in life to find hope, healing, freedom, and belonging in the One he found those very things too.
Those are extremely compelling to me. But in these I find a tension.
I have work to do.
I am not all that is written there. But I want to be. And when I come to die, I don’t want to wish that these things (or some things like these) were true.
What tension is in you?
Write your eulogy and share it with me, I would love to read it! Maybe we could start sharing our eulogies with each other. We could create a eulogy town square of sorts.
-Jonathan